1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？）

2.今天我也当了回“猎头”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头）

3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……”

4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？ 回答：你工作了没？那就去单位拉！ 你上学了没？那就去学校拉！ 你有朋友吗？那就去朋友家拉！ 你有亲戚吗？那就去亲戚家拉！ 你有车吗？那就去野外拉！ 你会游泳吗？那就去游泳馆拉！

5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：

刷牙用白醋，杀灭细菌，保持一天口齿清新，让人倍增自信；

洗脸用牛奶，因为乳酸菌能有效清除积淀一天的面部污垢；

晚上泡脚用哈啤，因为松骨润肤，有助于消除一天的学习疲劳；

洗发用红牛，让每根发丝都兴奋起来，使其充满活力、潇洒飘逸！

6.其实奥运吉祥物应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，要买则需一次性购买100万个，以保证收藏价值。

7.now business is not good!

老大: Why?

小姐:"Avian influenza"

8.according to the rumor, if you dare to criticize either of the two handsome guys (青尘 and 羽戈), you will be dragged out, stripped naked, and beaten up! They'll pull out your eyes, shave off your hair, pour sulfuric acid on your face, knock out your teeth, cut off your tongue, and use it as a club; even MIMI won't be spared!

9.this weekend we don't accept gifts; we only accept mineral water! The guy holding a bottle of mineral water is the one who has my heart!!

10.when teacher takes attendance at dismissal time and anyone is missing their final grade will be deducted by 50 points!

11.haerbin city's water supply has been sponsored by nongfu spring this time!

12.a girl met a robber who asked her for money while trembling with fear: "I'm from mining university just graduated but haven't found a job yet..."

13.(harbin institute of technology) I: rumors say haerbin will have an earthquake? What should we do then in xx?

boyfriend: that would be perfect if i were on top of you~~~