1.女孩对男孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？）

2.今天我也当了回“HR”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头）

3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……”

4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？ 回答：你工作了没？那就去单位拉！ 你上学了没？那就去学校拉！ 你有朋友吗？那就去朋友家拉！ 你有亲戚吗？那就去亲戚家拉！ 你有车吗？那就去野外拉！

5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：

6.其实，奥运吉祥物应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，一共一百万个，形态各异，要买就得一次买100万个，一少一个，就失去了收藏价值。

7.now business is not good, right? Old Big: Why? Little Beauty: “Avian influenza”

8.according to legend, anyone who dares to insult the handsome boy Xiao Chen or the handsome boy Hu Ge in class will be dragged out and beaten until they are bald and blind.

9.This weekend, I don't accept gifts; I only accept mineral water! The questionably cute boyfriend holds a bottle of mineral water instead of chocolate or roses – My eyes are only on you!!

10.When the teacher takes roll call after class and says "If you're not here by the end of term, your grade will be docked," he jumped over it without hesitation and shouted, "Teacher, you missed one!" The old teacher looked down at him with a smile and said there was no mistake.

11.Harbin City's water shortage is sponsored by Nongfu Spring!

12.A girl being robbed trembled as she said, "I'm from a mining school; I just graduated; we haven't found jobs yet..." The robber burst into tears upon hearing this and said to her with great sorrowfulness that they were also from a mining school; take good care of your certificate; we won't rob our own kind!

13.(Harbin University) Me: Rumor has it that Harbin is going to have an earthquake? What should we do if it happens when we're in XX? Boyfriend: Then I'll just lie on top of you - no need for me to move myself~~

14.I hate two kinds of people:

15.Playing CS (Counter-Strike), someone saw an eyeglasses thief holding up a sign saying "51" straight towards his face with bottom text reading -- "wo shi dang yuan,follow me!!!"

16.Wake up! Teacher said something like “Today's lesson ends here...” Woke up!

17.In their dorm room, SG had just learned how to play the violin so badly that everyone else cringed while trying not to discourage him. One afternoon while he was playing away merrily without any regard for others' comfort levels around him,

18.Sister-in-law wants it so much ~ So proud ~ As long as she doesn’t get married within three years after graduation

19.The brother reports his work progress directly above leader’s desk party branch secretary’s report table under office chair’s shadow light curtain beneath door frame inside big meeting hall : We have 14 party members in our class

20.Asking food service staff about what dish can help keep warm during cold weather

21.If replying comments were virtues then I would be divine already!

22.Telling girlfriend ML but refused saying it's fine since it's cold outside let her wash part body clean.

23.A blind beggar wearing sunglasses begs on street corner where drunkard stumbles upon him & throws RMB 100 at him before walking off

24.Certain person sings loudly in dorm room singing song lyrics which start with lines such as “I am not doing my job well….” Another roommate yells out loud asking them please stop singing!

25.Prefer China having no virgins than Japan having virgins.

26.Interacting with foreign language department students

27.Male student asks HR representative for louder volume while discussing phone quality issues

28.Studying together at library

29.Becoming emperor / scientist / new generation Chen Jingrun

30.Keynote speech delivered by young PhD graduate seeking employment opportunity.

31.Avian flu - all due to 'heavenly excrement' causing trouble!

32.Two groups extremely likely get avian flu:

33.Olympic Games mirror presentation plan;

34.Get lost again or I'll send you back home!

35.MM