1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？）

2.今天我也当了回“猎头”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头）

3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……”

4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？ 回答：你工作了没？那就去单位拉！ 你上学了没？那就去学校拉！ 你有朋友吗？那就去朋友家拉！ 你有亲戚吗？那就去亲戚家拉！ 你有车吗？那就去野外拉！ 你会游泳吗？那就去游泳馆拉！

5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：

刷牙用白醋，杀灭细菌，除异味，让一天口齿清新，让你倍增自信；

至于洗脸，不成问题，用牛奶，因为纯天然，无刺激性，还能滋润柔嫩的面部肌肤；

晚上泡脚用哈啤，因为松骨润肤，可以消除一日学习疲劳。

6.其实奥运吉祥物应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，要买100万个，一少一个失收藏价值赚翻……

7.now business is bad, right?

8.these days, the bird flu is really something else! 9.this weekend I won't accept gifts; I'll only accept mineral water! The guy who said this to his girlfriend was holding a big bottle of mineral water – My eyes are only on you!!

10.when the teacher took roll call and missed someone's name, he jumped up and shouted, "Teacher, you skipped me!" The old teacher looked down and said, "I didn't."

11.haerbin city has stopped providing water for four days, all thanks to naanefusan!

12.a girl who had just graduated from a university told the robber that she was poor because she hadn't found a job yet; but in reality she was rich because her father was a famous businessman.

13.if there's an earthquake in haerbin during our trip to xx, what should we do?

14.I hate two kinds of people: those with racial prejudice and those who don't know how to count.

15.suddenly an SG in our dorm learned how to play the violin; his sound was like scratching a pot bottom with nails... sharp noises that hurt our ears; out of kindness we didn't discourage him.

16.after class one day when the teacher said they were finished for the day... I woke up!

17.in our dormitory SG started playing the violin again; but soon someone came in saying they had found electrical appliances being used illegally...

18.the same girl wanted my sister-in-law so much... until I put it this way: "It's easy now – just go get an ID card and pay nine yuan."

19.my friend reported his work to his leader: there are 14 party members in our class, eight of them are men.

20.asked food vendor about what would be good for keeping warm during cold weather: eating cotton could help keep warm!

21.if posting comments were considered virtuous behavior then I'd be canonized by now!

22.one blind beggar wore sunglasses while begging on street corners – he even got drunk once & threw 100 yuan at him.

23.a man saw a blind beggar wearing sunglasses on street corner & threw 100 yuan at him thinking he must have been very desperate as not wanting any more life than that...

24.someone sang loudly: "I haven’t been Big Brother for many years..." before getting interrupted by others asking him not too sing anymore!

25.it’s better if China doesn’t have any virgins or if Japan does have some virgins!