1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？）

2.今天我也当了回“HR”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头）

3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……”

4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？

回答：有没有想过，在家里搞个“生态洗手池”，一边冲水一边唱歌，一不留神，就能把病毒都洗掉啦！

5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：

刷牙用白醋，杀灭细菌，去除异味，让人倍增自信；至于洗脸，不成问题，用牛奶，它纯净无污染，还能滋润肌肤；晚上泡脚用酸奶，因为乳酸菌能有效清洁面部。

6.其实奥运吉祥物应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，每个形态各异，要买就得一次买100万个，那样才收藏价值高。

7.now business is bad! old man: why? girl: avian influenza

8.goto the dorm, see a guy playing violin, sound like scratching on pot lid... everyone try not to hurt his feelings.

9.this weekend no gifts, only mineral water accepted! boy holding a bottle of mineral water - my eyes are only on you!!

10.in class when teacher calls names and misses one student, he shouts "you skipped me!"

11.haerbin city under siege by drought; sponsored by nongfu spring!

12.a girl being robbed says she's from mining university just graduated but hasn't found job yet...

13.cs player sees someone with "51" stick coming towards him, bottom line reads "i'm a tank follow me!!"

14.shake shake wake up~ teacher says today's class ends here... then wakes up~

15.someone in the dorm learns to play violin so badly that it sounds like fingernails on a pot lid... everyone tries not to discourage him.

16.one mm wants something from her senior friend who's also very jealous of her ~ i say don't bother because you can get married easily now for just 9 yuan!

17.dorm mate does some embarrassing things while drunk and gets caught by teacher who thinks he's burning an illegal appliance.

18.asked food court what to eat during cold weather; replied eating cotton helps keep warm

19.told leader our party has 14 members all male; leader asks if there aren't any female party members?

20.asked food court about warming foods; they said eat cotton for warmth

21.if replying comments were virtue then i'd be saint already!

22.told girlfriend he'll wash her private parts as well since she asked him to wash his teeth ~ (giant understatement)

23.a blind beggar wearing sunglasses begs in the street; drunkard throws money at him thinking he's pitiful but discovers later that the blind man is actually checking if a hundred-yuan note is real or fake ~ drinks have made him forget everything except being hit by girlfriend!

24.singing in dorm room: "i won't be big brother for many years..." people around ask him not to sing anymore

25.please make china have no virgins instead of japan having one virgin!