1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？）

2.今天我也当了回“HR”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头）

3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……”

4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？ 回答：你工作了没？那就去单位拉！ 你上学了没？那就去学校拉！ 你有朋友吗？那就去朋友家拉！ 你有亲戚吗？那就去亲戚家拉！ 你有车吗？那就去野外拉！ 你会泳吗？那就去游泳馆拉！

5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：

6.其实，奥运吉祥物应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，一共一百万个，形态各异，要买就得一次买100万个，一少一个失去了收藏价值。

7.now business is bad, right?

8.laugh at me if you want, but I'm not afraid of you.

9.this weekend, no gifts, only mineral water!

10.if you're late for the roll call today and your grade will be deducted by 50 points!

11.harbin city water stop sponsored by nongfu spring!

12.a girl tells a robber: "I'm a graduate from the mining university; I just graduated and haven't found a job yet...". The robber cries and says: "Sister, I'm also from the mining university; take out your certificate; we won't rob our own people!"

13.i don't like two kinds of people: one with racial discrimination; two black people; three illiterates!

14.cs game: an eyeglasses thief holding a "51" straight to the front with a line below saying "wo shi dang yuan, follow me!!!"

15.wake up! Teacher said that today's class would end here......

16.someone in the dorm learned to play violin badly......

17.the same mm wants it so much~~~偶s are reluctant to criticize him.

18.asking food in the cafeteria: what should i eat to help keep warm?

19.report work to leader: there are 14 party members in our class, all male.

20.asked food in canteen: eating cotton can help keep warm?

21.posting comments as virtue makes me feel like i've achieved enlightenment already!

22.think about ML with girlfriend says no but allows washing “partially”. Washing done, girlfriend blushes and says lovingly:" Darling,you'd better take it easy using which part…"

23.a blind beggar wearing sunglasses begs on street corner.

24.singing karaoke:"i didn’t become big brother for many years,i don’t love cold bedsides……"

25.prefer china without virgins than japan having them!

26.meet old friend at foreign languages college door when he sees her first he looks fixedly without realizing being discovered by Mm who then asks him if he's intercontinental graduate student! He feels puzzled because she knows his school though he doesn't wear uniform nor has written on his face.

27.call westinghouse customer service asking louder voice please hr replies they are westinghouse company’s staff!!

28.in class reading aloud girl asks boy what word means boy scratches head forgetting yesterday now girl hits him telling word meaning few days later boy red faced scratching head again saying forget except girl hitting him once more...

29.at age three said wanting to be emperor mom smiled thirteen year old said becoming new generation chen jinquan mom smiled recently while calling home told mom actually just nurtured twenty plus years still unwilling flower pot mom cried dad snatched phone shouting when did learn pretend!!