1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？）

2.今天我也当了回“HR”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头）

3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……”

4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？ 回答：你工作了没？那就去单位拉！ 你上学了没？那就去学校拉！ 你有朋友吗？那就去朋友家拉！ 你有亲戚吗？那就去亲户家拉！ 你有车吗？那就去野外拉！

5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：

6.其实，奥运吉祥物应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，一共一百万个，形态各异，要买就得一次买100万个，少一个就失去收藏价值，赚翻了……

7.now business is bad, do you know why?

8.everyone who dares to offend the handsome guy or the handsome guy will be dragged out and beaten! Even MIMI will be cut off!

9.this weekend, no gifts, only mineral water! The boy holding a bottle of mineral water said: My eyes are only on you!!

10.when calling the roll in class, if you're not present, your final grade will be deducted by 50 points! I jumped over my name and shouted: Teacher, you missed one!

11.Harbin city-wide stoppage sponsored by Nongfu Spring!

12.a girl met a robber and trembled: "I'm from Mining University, just graduated, really have no money..." The robber burst into tears: "Sister-in-law, I'm also from Mining University! Take your certificate well; ahead of us robbers won't take advantage of our own!"

13.I hate two kinds of people:

14.cs game scene: someone with glasses brandishing a "51" straight forward; below it was written - "wo shi dang yuan,follow me!!!"

15.shake but can't wake up~ teacher said one sentence: “today's lesson ends here…” woke up~

16.in the dormitory where SG had just learned to play the violin; that sound was like scraping with nails on a pot bottom... sharp sounds stimulating ear drums; out of kindness we didn't criticize him.

17.same-sex friend wants to get married; sister did envious gazes~~~ I as an attack said,"it's easy now!" Sister got excited:"that means anyone can get married??" I added fuel to fire:"and no mandatory marriage examination!" Sister then joyfully exclaimed:"then I'll pick up a man on the street and say 'we'll get married'!!" before i could stand up again,Sister boldly declared:"since it's nine bucks anyway… i treat!!"

18.SG reports work to his leader : our class has 14 party members , male students are eight.. Leader replied : none?

19.asked food court : what should eat for cold weather? Answered : eating cotton helps keep warm~

20.if replying comments were virtue , i would have been saint already !

21.thought about MLing with girlfriend says don’t agree ; allowed under cold weather for partial wash . After washing,she blushed saying :" dear,you better rest while using which part…." heard this,i fainted ~~ (gigantic implicitness)

22.a blind beggar wearing sunglasses in the street . A drunkard threw 100 yuan at him . Went along,a drunkard saw him checking if that big bill was genuine or fake against sunlight . Drunkard took back money shouting :"you dare cheat old me???" Blind beggar apologized saying :'brother,i am sorry… this is for my friend who is blind…"Drunkard threw away money again,went away shaking ..

23.someone in hostel singing:'i haven't been big brother for many years,i haven't slept on cold iron bed…' immediately someone yelled:'big brother,don’t sing!'

24.said he wouldn’t be big boss anymore ,he wouldn’t love ice-cold bedsides…

25.rather than China having zero virgins , Japan mustn’t have any virgins either !