1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？）

2.今天我也当了回“HR”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头）

3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……”

4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？ 回答：你工作了没？那就去单位拉！ 你上学了没？那就去学校拉！ 你有朋友吗？那就去朋友家拉！ 你有亲戚吗？那就去亲户家拉！ 你有车吗？那就去野外拉！

5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：

刷牙用白醋，因为它能杀灭细菌、除异味且保持一天口齿清新，让人倍增自信；

洗脸用牛奶，因为它纯天然，无刺激性，还能滋润柔嫩的面部肌肤；

晚上泡脚用哈啤，因为它松骨润肤、活血通络，可以消除一日的学习疲劳；

洗发用红牛，因为它可以刺激发根，让每根发丝都兴奋起来，充满活力。

6.其实奥运吉祥物应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，一共一百万个，每个形态各异，要买的话得一次买100万个，那样才不失收藏价值。

7.now business is bad!

8.According to legend, anyone who insults the handsome boy Xiao Chen or the good-looking boy Hu Ge will be dragged out and beaten mercilessly! They'll have their eyes gouged out, their hair pulled out, their faces splashed with acid, and their teeth knocked out!

9.This weekend I won't accept any gifts; the only gift I'll accept is mineral water! The guy holding a bouquet of flowers in his hand isn't just any ordinary guy; he's the one my heart belongs to!!

10.The teacher announced that if you're late for class, your final grade will be deducted by 50 points! When she reached "your brother," she skipped over it without realizing it, so he shouted back: "Teacher, you missed one!"

11.Harbin City's water shortage is sponsored by Nongfu Spring!

12.A woman was robbed by a thief who said: "I'm from Mining University; I just graduated but haven't found a job yet...". The thief burst into tears and said: "Sister-in-law, we're also from Mining University; take your certificate well in advance."

13.(Harbin Industrial University) My friend asked me about rumors of an earthquake in Harbin when we were at XX place... And then he smiled cheekily and said: "If there's an earthquake now..."

14.I hate two types of people:

15.On CS (computer game), someone saw a player wearing sunglasses with a sign that read: "51" facing forward while saying something on chat...

16.Wake up quickly~ Teacher said today's lesson would end here... Suddenly woke up~

17.In our dorm room where someone recently learned how to play the violin badly... It sounded like fingernails scraping on a pot bottom.

18.My roommate wants to get married without going through all that hassle~ So I casually mentioned that getting married is easy these days—just show your ID card.

19.The party secretary reported to us that our class has 14 Party members among whom are 8 males.

20.What should you eat during this cold weather? Eat some cotton balls!

21.If replying comments were virtuous deeds then I'd already be considered holy!

(To Be Continued...)