1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？）

2.今天我也当了回“HR”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头）

3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……”

4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？

回答：有没有想过，在家里搞个“生态池”，让所有的污水都在家中循环利用呢？这样不仅解决了问题，还能享受到自家的“生物热水器”！

5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：

刷牙用白醋，不仅清洁牙齿，还能杀灭细菌；洗脸用牛奶，不但清洁肌肤，还能保湿柔嫩。

6.其实，奥运吉祥物应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，一共一百万个，每个形态各异，都要买才能收藏完整版，一次性购买即可赚翻！

7.now is the time to make money, not to spend it!

8.Beware of the "马" in your life!

9.This weekend, I won't accept gifts; I'll only accept mineral water! My love for you is like a bottle of mineral water - refreshing and pure.

10.The teacher said that if anyone was late for the roll call, their final exam score would be deducted by 50 points! When he reached "little brother," he skipped over it and shouted, "Teacher, you missed one!"

11.Harbin's water stop has been sponsored by Nongfu Spring!

12.A girl was robbed by a bandit who asked her if she had any money; she replied that she was from a mining university and had just graduated but hadn't found a job yet.

13.I'm afraid there will be an earthquake in Harbin; what should we do when it happens?

14.I hate two kinds of people: those with racial discrimination and black people who can't count!

15.During CS gameplay, someone saw an eyeglasses-wearing thug charging forward with his fist held high; below him were written words: "I am Dan Yuan (a famous Chinese athlete), follow me!!"

16.Even though you're asleep like this ~ The teacher said that today's class would end here... You woke up ~

17.In our dormitory, SG just learned how to play the violin; its sound was as sharp as scraping a pot bottom... Sharp sounds stimulated our eardrums so much that we tried not to criticize him out of kindness.

18.My friend wants to get married so badly ~ Even I don't dare say anything anymore...

19.Teacher asks about party members in class: There are 14 party members in our class, all male.

20.What should I eat during cold weather? Eating cotton helps keep warm~

21.If posting comments were virtuous deeds, then I'd already be divine!

22.Wanting to ML my girlfriend says no but allows washing “parts.” After washing up with soap foam on her face while still half-asleep due to sleepiness or exhaustion after being woken up from bed rest while taking medicine at home for some illness or injury or surgery recovery period , my girlfriend blushes shyly saying “Lovey-dovey~ You better take care yourself~ Don’t forget which part~!”

23.A blind beggar wears sunglasses on the street corner begging for alms. A drunk man sees him and throws RMB100 into his hat without hesitation.

24某人在宿舍唱歌：“我不做大哥好多年，我不爱冰冷的床沿……” 马上有人喊：“大哥，求您了，别唱了！”

25宁可中国没有一个处男，也不能日本有一个！

26交大的男生去外语学院见老同学。到门口时他见一便不自觉地盯着看。不巧，被MIM发现，说：“帅哥，你是交大的吧？”

27My Westinghouse phone quality is terrible! Could you please speak louder?

28A couple studies together during self-study hour when the girl asks the boy about a word's meaning.

29When I told my mom at three years old that when grown-up i wanted to rule China,

30某博士毕业后兴奋得不得了，他总算拿到了交叉学科的博士学位。

31禽流感——都是“天屎”惹的祸！

32两种人得禽流感几率极高——1.“禽兽”; 2."禽兽不如"的人！