1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？）

2.今天我也当了回“HR”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头）

3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……”

4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？

回答：有没有想过，在家里搞个“生态洗手池”，一边冲水一边唱歌，一不留神，就能把病菌都洗掉啦！

5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：

刷牙用白醋，杀灭细菌，去除异味，让人倍增自信；至于洗脸，不成问题，用牛奶，它纯净无刺激性，还能滋润柔嫩的面部肌肤。

6.其实奥运吉祥物应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，一共一百万个，要买就得一次买100万个，一少一个就失去收藏价值，这不是什么好玩的游戏吗？

7.now business is not good to do, eh?

8.据说凡是在主版控告一马（青尘）帅哥和羽戈帅哥的，都会拖出去剥光了吊起来暴打！戳瞎眼睛拔光头发泼一脸硫酸敲掉牙齿割掉舌头做棍，

包括MIMI一起切除！这不是恐怖电影里的剧情，而是现实生活中的某种荒诞之举吧？

9.This weekend I won't accept gifts, I'll only accept mineral water! The boy holding the bottle of water isn't chocolate or roses, but my eyes are only for you!!

10下课点名，如果没来期末成绩将被扣掉50分！念到了一兄弟时不知怎么就跳过去，他大喊了一声：“老师，你漏了一次！”

11此次哈尔滨市停水由农夫山泉独家赞助！

12一个女孩子遇到了劫匪，她颤抖地说：“俺是矿大的刚毕业，都没找到真没有钱……”

13.Harbin University student: "The rumor says Harbin will have an earthquake? What should we do if it happens when we're in XX?"

Boyfriend: "Don't worry, I'll be on top of you then."

14.I hate two kinds of people:

1.those who discriminate against others;

2.black people;

3.those who can't count!

15.playing CS and see someone wearing a pair of glasses charging forward with a straight line "51" drawn on his chest,

with the words written below - "wo shi dang yuan,follow me!!!"

16.Bedtime stories... Teacher said one sentence “Today's class ends here......” woke up...

17.SG just learned how to play the violin in our dorm room,

the sound was like using nails to scrape at the bottom of a pot... sharp sounds that hurt our eardrums.

18.A teacher asked her students what they wanted for their birthday party,

and one student replied they wanted a new bike.

19.The same girl asked her boyfriend what he wanted for his birthday,

and he said he didn't want anything.

20.Questions about food in cold weather: What should we eat to keep warm?

Answer: Eat some cotton candy!

21.If replying comments were a virtue, I'd be a saint by now!

22.Told my girlfriend that she couldn't wash her hair because it was too cold outside.

She smiled and said,"Fine, but you can wash your head!"

23.A blind man begging on the street wore sunglasses.

A drunk man saw him and threw $100 at him.

24.Singing in our dorm room: “I haven’t been big brother for many years, I don’t love ice-cold beds......”

25.Preferring China had no virgins than Japan had one!