1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？）

2.今天我也当了回“HR”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头）

3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……”

4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？

回答：有没有想过，在家里搞个“生态池”，让所有的污水都在家中循环利用呢？这样不仅解决了问题，还能享受一番“自给自足”的乐趣！

5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：

刷牙用白醋，不但清洁牙齿，还能杀灭细菌，让你的口腔保持干净卫生；洗脸时，用牛奶代替肥皂，它既温和又保湿，让你的肌肤更加柔嫩。

6.其实，奥运吉祥物应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，一共一百万个，每个形态各异，只要买够100万个，就可以成为收藏家的风云人物。

7.now business is not good to do! 老大 said why? 小姐 replied “the bird flu”.

8.please don’t tell me that the HR department is going to fire me, or I will be really upset.

9.this weekend, no gifts allowed; only mineral water accepted! 表白的小伙子手里拿的是矿泉水，而不是巧克力或玫瑰，他只想表达对她的爱。

10.classmate missed roll call and would lose 50 points in the final exam; he jumped forward when his name was called and shouted: "Teacher, you skipped over my name!"

11.Harbin city-wide water outage sponsored by Nongfu Spring!

12.a girl being robbed says she's a graduate from a mining university with no money yet... The robber starts crying, saying: "Sister, I'm also from a mining university, take your certificate and go ahead with the robbery; we won't steal from our own kind!"

13.(HARBIN) My friend said Harbin might have an earthquake? What should we do if it happens while we're at XX?

14.I hate two kinds of people:

15.playing CS (Counter-Strike), someone saw an eyeglasses thief rushing towards them with a straight line on their face labeled "51" - follow me!!

16.waking up to find out that today's class has been cancelled...

17.in the dormitory where SG just learned to play the violin, its sound like scraping nails on a pot bottom... We tried not to discourage him.

18.saying to teacher who wants her student boyfriend: You can get married easily now; all you need is an ID card for 9 yuan.

19.telling leader about party members in class: there are 14 party members among us boys.

20.asking cafeteria staff how to stay warm during cold weather: eat cotton candy for warmth~

21.if posting comments were virtue then I'd be divine!

22.asking girlfriend about washing hair during cold weather: You can wash your hair as long as it's cold outside~

23.a blind beggar wearing sunglasses begging on the street was given 100 yuan by a drunkard who then returned demanding his money back because he thought he was deceiving him - but actually he was helping another blind friend use the restroom.

24.someone singing in dormitory:"I haven't been Big Brother for many years..." - immediately someone else yelled out: Big Brother please stop singing!

25.rather than China having no virgins let alone Japan having one!

26.interacting with foreign language major students at exchange center

27.calling customer service at Westinghouse company

28.the boy forgot what word meant so asked girl friend hit him instead

29.at age three wanting to grow up and become emperor; at thirteen wanting to be next Chen Jingrun

30.phD grad excitedly looking for job after graduation until finding HR manager without mentioning education requirements