1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？）

2.今天我也当了回“猎头”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”

3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……”

4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？

回答：你工作了没？那就去单位拉！

你上学了没？那就去学校拉！

你有朋友吗？那就去朋友家拉！

你有亲戚吗？那就去亲戚家拉！

你有车吗？那就去野外拉！

你会游泳吗？那就去游泳馆拉！

如果以上全不通过，请拉在自己的裤兜里，找个热乎地方烘干，四天后洗裤子！

5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，我们特提供以下应急方案：

刷牙用白醋，因为它能杀灭细菌、除异味，同时保持一天口齿清新，让人倍增自信；

至于洗脸，不成问题，用牛奶，因为它纯天然，无刺激性，还能滋润柔嫩的面部肌肤；

晚上泡脚用哈啤，因为它松骨润肤，可以消除一日的学习疲劳；

洗发用红牛，因为它可以刺激发根，让每根发丝都兴奋起来，充满活力。

6.其实奥运吉祥物应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，以确保收藏价值。

7.now business is not good!

老大: Why?

小姐:"Poultry plague"

8.According to rumors, anyone who dares to offend the handsome guy or the handsome turtle will be dragged out and beaten until they are almost unrecognizable.

9.This weekend, I won't accept any gifts; I'll only accept mineral water! The boy holding a bouquet of flowers said with a smile in his eyes, "My heart belongs to you!!"

10.The teacher announced that if anyone didn't come during roll call, their final grade would be deducted by half a point! When he reached the name "brother", he accidentally skipped over it, so he shouted loudly, "Teacher, you missed one!"

11.Harbin's water stop is sponsored by Nongfu Spring!

12.A girl was robbed by an outlaw who said pitifully after she claimed she was from a mining college and had just graduated without finding a job yet: "Sister-in-law, we're all from mining colleges too; don't worry about us robbing our own kind!"

13.(Hefei University) I hate two kinds of people:

One is racist.

Two is black.

Three doesn't know how to count!

14.I'm afraid of two types of people:

One type discriminates against others;

Two type blacks me;

Three type can't do math!

15.Playing CS (Counter-Strike), someone saw an eyeglasses thief charging forward with his sword marked as '51', followed by the line -

"wo shi dang yuan,follow me!!!"

16.Five hundred years later... The teacher said one sentence -

“Today's class ends here......” Then woke up...

17.In the dormitory where SG learned to play violin,

His sound was like scratching on pot lids,

Sharp sounds hurting our eardrums,

Out of kindness we tried not to discourage him.

18.My roommate asked for my ID card saying it could easily get married now since it only costs nine bucks!

She then boasted proudly: “I'll bring back a man from outside this building!”

So before I stood up again,

19.Teacher reported work summary: Our school has fourteen party members and eight male students.

Leader replied: No?

20.What should eat when cold?

21.If replying comments were virtues,

Then I'd already be divine!

22.Telling my girlfriend about ML (making love),

Saying no but allowing her to wash part body due to cold weather.

25.Prefer China have no virgin than Japan have one!

26.Interpreting words for my friend at foreign language department:

He stared at me without blinking until discovered by MM (Miss Mao).

27.My Westinghouse phone quality is terrible; please speak louder.

28.Revisiting word interpretation between boyfriend and girlfriend:

Boyfriend forgets meaning after one day but remembers being punched once...

29.Talking about future plans with mom at three years old,

Mom smiled;

Talking about becoming Chen Jingrun at thirteen years old,

Mom smiled again;

Calling home recently while talking like an immature flower bud...

30.A Ph.D graduate felt proud after five long years studying inter-disciplinary fields!

31.Poultry Plague – All because of Shit Heaven!